6.11.05

I know what I want to write and I know what I need to write. It's just finding the words to describe my emotions, feelings.....reality.
My grandmother is DEAD. I'm in shock, I mean, I've cried, I still cry. But it still hasn't hit home. Yes, it is so much better for her to not be suffering any longer. I find solace in that. And most importantly in the fact that she believed that Jesus is the only way to God and lived her life accordingly.
But reality is, it hurts, it's hard. My precious boys were barely beginning to know Nanny. She loved them so and said that they were her babies and they were 'just what we needed' in this family.
Memories flood my heart and I just wanted them to be able to share those with their great grandmother...because she was still a young great-grandmother at 73.
It's still just hard to think that she isn't here any more.
Her house is just not the same without her. Everything there is a reminder of who she was and how she lived.
Even though for the past few years her frail body was in pain, she remained joyful, laughing, smiling with the hope of getting better. There was so much she was looking forward to. So much we wanted to do with her.

*11/17 the above was written a couple weeks ago.
It's still hard to grasp...
just remember...family is family...spend time with them, love them, appreciate them and all their idiosyncrasies...for like everyone...our days are numbered...and you don't know how long that is. (ps 139:16)

2 comments:

jana said...

Jordana,

I will be praying for you as you are dealing with this loss. I still have both of my grandmothers, and just lost my great grandmother earlier this year, but I don't get to see them as often as I would like. I feel for you--know you are in my prayers.

Love you!

heidi said...

Jordana,
Thank you for the reminder. It is so true. We are praying for you and your entire family. I know it must be hard to see a part of yourself gone, knowing that your own boys won't remember her like you do. Love ya girl.
Heidi