I just had to write this down somewhere.
Yesterday, Tobin, Jude and I were sitting on my bed. (Tobin is quite the talker, he asks questions and has opinions about everything. He is very interested in learning about insects and animals. He also loves to talk about Jude and tries to understand all that is going on with him. He has a very loving and compassionate heart.) I was watching Jude crawl around and about the bed, while listening to Tobin. He began talking about having another sibling (which has been doing a lot lately, and no, that doesn't mean that there is another one coming, ha!) he mentions God giving him another brother or sister and that baby will be really healthy. (Meaning, no seizures or going to the doctor, like Jude has to.)
Then he says, "I love Jude. I waited for him my whole life." wow - that blew me away - and blessed me beyond measure. I sometimes wonder what Tobin and Josiah think with all the attention I have to give Jude, I try to make it fair attention wise, but reality is, it doesn't always happen everyday.
It is also a reminder of how much God works, in spite of me, He is working on these little hearts and doing far more in them that I could ever hope to do. I just need to remember that, I can do what I can but God can do MORE and HE does do MORE!!
So tonight, as this time of year brings out the thankful thoughts, I'm very thankful for a God who works, who does amazing things and does things in His will. Even though, I don't always see that or think that. God is working!!
As hard as 2007 has been for me, I can say with Tobin-
Jude, I have waited for you my whole life! God has used you more to begin a work in me that nothing else has, even though the road is not clear or the lessons completely learned or even willingly learned. One thing for sure is, that it is not about you or me but about God and living for Him! Thank you, little man, for being the vessel to make that part of my life. You are a treasure, not only to me and your daddy but to your Heavenly Daddy, as well. He has amazing plans for you!!! And I'm going to make sure you know that, every single day of our lives!!
This has been a healing time for me to write this. So much has been going on, and I've felt so lost. My attitude has been so wrong, I wasn't sure I even had anything to be thankful for. But I have, oh so much more, then I even realize at this moment.
Peace rains down and quenches the parched land.
Soil welcomes and enjoys the refeshment it brings.
Life springs forth, like never before.
Heart made soft and new again.
Thankfulness is the beginning of it all.