I think I'm still trying to get ahold of my life now, as a wife and mom.
You see, I didn't have much settling into life after we were married, a couple months into it we found out we were expecting, and not quite expecting so much as what occured with the formation of that new life. A few days after our intial Dr. visit, I became very ill..not just your normal pregnancy woahs but the worst you could imagine. With many weekly Drs visits and trip to the hospital. (Might elaborate later.)
So anyway, 11 months after we were married, Tobin arrived to bless our world! He was our little precious bundle straight from heaven and he was perfect! Giving birth to him at home made the experience even better. I think those first few moments are some of the best of my life so far.
Matthew and I were quite enjoying our life 5 months later when we found out Josiah was on the way the next June.
14 months apart.
That was a hard pill to swallow...life was definately moving in the fast lane for me...or was it the slow lane...as sickness once again had me down...but not nearly as bad this time.
So the months went by trying to capture as much time with Tobin as I could and build our special memories before the next little one arrived. Josiah came into this world much like Tobin, in the comforts of home, and even a week early. He was another precious bundle sent from heaven, sent to add even more dimension to our family!
So now, Tobin is 2 and Josiah is 1. Life is quickly passing by and I feel as if it's leaving me behind. Where do I draw the line between the most precious gifts on earth and the home I would love to make better? The desires that are so far deep within my heart and the desires of my children and husband? And the things I long to accomplish during the day?
Those are the burning questions in my heart. I know the time with my children is the best spent, but there is still a longing there to do more.
As a follower of Christ, I strongly believe that there is a season and a purpose for everything. As weird as it seems, this has been the best and worst season of my life yet. I also believe that I cannot live without my putting trust and faith in God to get me thru this. What a challenge...cause how easy it is for me to try and do this all on my own. And it effects me in major ways...my outlook on life, my attitude towards my family, my responses to things. I know that God has called me to so much more than a bad attitude about my life. I know that deep in my heart and yet, I struggle everyday with letting go of my way of doing stuff. OH, I so know how it is to live life in peace and contentment with where you are....in surrenduring and living, enjoying where you are.
Just another spot along my journey with God, and He's there waiting for me to take this load off of me and give it to Him. That's one thing that I know, God doesn't call me to a life I can't live, only to a life I can live, with Him.