17.8.05

I was reading a friends blog...about babies and such...making a decision in your mind and thinking of those that would not agree with your decision. She found freedom in knowing that the moment was more important than the schedule or routine. I wholeheartedly agree!
Just last night as I was trying to get Josiah back to sleep...our once sleeper has decided he'd rather be in Mommy's arms in the middle of the night than anywhere else...and I was struggling with the fact that I had stuff that I wanted to do, the frustration in me was mounting. Then I had a thought. I could be frustrated with this situation...or I could lay down and hold my precious baby, who is growing too fast, and enjoy the moments that I DO get to hold him and spend time with him before he is too much of a 'Big Boy' to let his Mommy hold him. So, I laid back on my bed, snuggled under the covers and held my baby close. What a sense of peace...I could relax and rest, which is really what I needed to do, and I could build an incredible memory with my son.
Life goes too fast, especially when raising children. There are times you want to 'throw in the towel', that you've 'had enough'. But it's in those times I've learned the most about myself, that I've been stretched the most and that because of Christ, been able to make it thru them and grow into a better mom and wife.
I remember the first few weeks that Tobin was in this world. Nighttimes were a struggle and I was wanting to give up so much, espcially when my DH was sleeping beside me on the bed. It occured to me how truly selfish I was. My precious Tobin just needed to be loved and cuddled and hugged and I wanted to sleep, quite frustrating! But when I realized that I could give something up that was precious to me and turn it into something more precious, memories and time with my son, then there was peace.
I have to come back to these thoughts, every so often. It's so easy to get caught up in ME and do what I want. But that's not what motherhood is all about...not how good my life can be with kids...but how good my life can be because of them and what I invest in them.
Well, Josiah is crying.......good night!

5 comments:

Mattyc said...

Good post, babe :) - I agree, except...Josiah kicks in bed - I think my spleen is bruised.

But it's true...precious memories...like right now, tobin is sitting next to me, leaning his head on my shoulder and rubbing his toes up and down the side of my computer :)

jana said...

Jorge- Thanks for those thoughts. As I am a mommy-to-be I know I will be learning many of these things you are talking about. I pray the Lord will help me not lose sight of the important things.

Tara said...

good reminder! I know exactly what you mean and how you feel...the "moments" are gone way too fast!

Heidi said...

Jordana,
I was reading your post and empathizing with every emotion! When I would be up with Grant while Jeph was sleeping those first few weeks, I had to tell myself....he doesn't want Jeph...he wants (and needs) his mommy! Then it was okay :)

Susanna Rose said...

Hey! I read Jana's post and now I read yours too! I enjoyed your honesty in this post about how you were feeling before you decided to turn from your frustration and instead choose peace and time with your son! My husband and I don't yet have children but I sure know what it's like to have to choose to turn from sinful feelings at times instead of indulging them. It is always worth it in the end as you show very beautifully!